Am I The Problem: Perhaps you’ve made a New Year’s goal to eliminate harmful individuals from your life. That’s a terrific notion, but it’s a little more difficult to implement if you’re recognizing symptoms that you’re a toxic person yourself. Read on to know more.
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Am I the Issue?
Maybe your New Year’s resolve is to avoid toxic individuals. Great concept, but harder if you’re a toxic person yourself, ouch. Self-criticism and self-improvement are never easy, but there’s no other route ahead if you’re the root of your issues.
You can influence how you act, so if you try to be nicer and easier to be around, you’ll be rewarded (instead of having to find new friends or abandon your family).
We’ve all done some of these things, but don’t make them regular or you’ll harm relationships. Some people, like your best friend or mom, may endure your toxicity longer than others, but you shouldn’t make them feel that way. Examine yourself to see whether you’re poisonous.
Here are the 8 signs of you being a problem
You blame everyone for your problem
Toxic people externalize responsibility for mistakes (i.e. foisting it on whoever else is convenient). How likely is it that you’ve never been blamed in all your fights and arguments? It’s unlikely and self-serving, alienating others. Let go.
You constantly speak about others behind their backs
You should be willing and able to talk difficulties with other people when required; this is the sign of a mature adult. Even though not every complaint merits a confrontation, you should be ready to discuss issues with other people.
If you constantly engage in talking, it’s likely that you lack the diplomatic skills necessary to handle difficult situations and that you take a childish pleasure in the act of chatting itself.
You like summarizing discussions
Every now and again, someone’s text or opinion should be reconsidered. But, for the most part, there is no hidden significance in these conversations. Picking things apart is only an invitation to perceive disturbing shades of meaning that aren’t there, and it draws others into the non-problem as well.
You offer less than you get
Nobody loves a buddy who comes and goes, yet it’s easy to slip into this pattern. If you only reach out to friends, family, and colleagues when you need something (and then vanish when it’s time to return the favor), you’re definitely a net negative impact on their life.
You have enemies
Why on earth would you have actual opponents unless you’re a political figure? It’s natural to have individuals come and go in your life; maybe you’ve outgrown each other or were never a good match in the first place. But if you can identify real foes, you’ve either participated to genuine, big wars (bad) or you’re delusory (also bad).
You have frenemies
Having frenemies is nearly as bad as having normal enemies – what is the point of keeping someone ostensibly close when you don’t truly like each other and it’s more of a game? It can’t be anything healthy or beneficial.
You have acquaintances but no friends
If you have a lot of acquaintances but no real friends, the best explanation is that something is preventing others from becoming close to you.
If you’ve tried to turn any of these acquaintances into friends but nothing has stuck, you’re undoubtedly raising some warning lights. Who wants to become engaged socially with someone who already seems to be more trouble than she’s worth?
There’s so much tension
Your life is not a sitcom, and every season does not need a dramatic plot. “Drama” should be the exception rather than the norm, and playing with people in your life or using them as stimulus for your own reasons is not acceptable. Get an actual activity instead if you’re bored.